The Stapler

I’m taking weekend classes this month on film production.  This weekend was all about scriptwriting.  I had a good time, though have kind of mixed feelings about what I learned.

As part of the class, we had a short time to write a script.  I put together the following in about half an hour.  I doubt I’ll ever do anything with it, so I hereby offer it to the Internet.

It’s called “The Stapler.”

INT. AN OFFICE - DAY

ROGER, a young man wearing a shirt and tie, is sitting at a
desk in an open-office typing on a computer.  TINA, young and
pretty, comes up to the desk.

                    TINA
          I need to use your stapler.

Tina reaches for the stapler on Roger's desk.  Roger snatches
it away before she can get it.

                    ROGER
          That's my stapler.

                    TINA
          I know it's your stapler.  I need
          to borrow it.

                    ROGER
          I'm going to need it later.

                    TINA
          I only need it for a minute.  The
          stapler in the copier is broken, so
          I need it to staple my DS-22's.

                    ROGER
          I know the copier is broken. 
          That's why I'm going to need it.  I
          have my own DS-22's to do.

                    TINA
          I'll bring it right back.

                    ROGER
          Wait a minute.  You mean you want
          to take it with you?

                    TINA
          Well, yes.

                    ROGER
          There's no way that's going to
          happen.

                    TINA
          I'll bring it back in a minute.

                    ROGER
          Look, you're a nice person.  I like
          you.  But Cindy Benson is a nice
          person too.  Last August she
          borrowed my stapler. 
          Just for a minute.  And she never
          brought it back.

                    TINA
          I'm not Cindy Benson.

                    ROGER
          She borrowed my highlighter too.

                    TINA
          I don't need a highlighter.

                    ROGER
          That's not the point.  It took me
          three months before I got another
          highlighter.  I had to fill out a T
          49 to get the new highlighter.  In
          triplicate.  With a letter cosigned
          by my superior explaining what
          happened to my highlighter.  Which
          needed to be stapled to the T-49's. 
          Which I couldn't do because I
          didn't have a stapler because Cindy
          Benson never brought mine back.

                    TINA
          I don't need a highlighter!

                    ROGER
          You can't take my stapler.

                    TINA
          Suppose I brought over my DS-22's
          and stapled them here. 

                    ROGER
          I suppose that might work.

                    TINA
          Well thank God.

                    ROGER
          You'll have to bring staples,
          though.

                    TINA
          What?

                    ROGER
          I don't want to run out of staples
          when I do my DS-22's.  I only have
          18 staples left, and I'm going to
          need 7 of them for my DS-22's.

                    TINA
          Who the hell counts their staples?

                    ROGER
          I do.  So you'll have to bring your
          own.

                    TINA
          Look, I have only ten DS-22's.  So
          between my ten and your seven,
          we're good.

                    ROGER
          What if a staple breaks?

                    TINA
          What?

                    ROGER
          What happens if a staple breaks.  I
          may need two staples for one of my
          DS-22's.

                    TINA
          You have a spare.

                    ROGER
          What happens if the stapler jams?  

                    TINA
          What if it does?

                    ROGER
          Whenever my stapler jams, it ruins
          three staples.  If I let you staple
          your DS-22's and the stapler jams,
          then I won't have enough staples
          for mine.

Tina glares at Roger, then grabs at the stapler.  Roger grabs
it back.

                    TINA
          I need your stapler!

                    ROGER
          That's my stapler!

The two wrestle with the stapler.  After a tussle, the
stapler breaks.

                    TINA
          Look what you did!

                    ROGER
          That was my stapler!  Now neither
          of us will get our DS-22's in on
          time!

Tina brushes her clothes off.

                    TINA
          That's okay.  I hear Cindy Benson
          has a stapler.  I'll just borrow
          hers.

TINA walks off as Roger stares at her.
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